This is one of these times when I feel sick at heart. When I feel that my life is empty. I guess it is a common feeling to doubt about oneself and not to be quite satisfied with one's life. I'd like to move forward, I feel that nothing interesting happens to me. But it is my fault, it is my job to make things happen. It is just that sometimes there are so many obstacles and I'm not smart or brave enough to fight them. Take the States for example! I don' have money, no money no journey . It is my dream to go and live abroad for a year, when I say abroad I mean really far away. Few months ago I thought my dream will come true until I came back to earth and realized I could never afford it. Just a few days ago I heard that it was still possible to apply for Oceania and my mother really loved me to go to New Zealand. But again money was the problem. As always. I have to wait another year. So I can work and spare the money. But I have so many doubts and questions!
Will I find a job this summer?
Am I going to be reasonnable enough to make savings?
Next year if I apply for the exchange programme it will be as a graduate, ie for my master and how am I gonna do if I don't know what I want to do after I graduate? Am I good enough for a master?
And what if they don't want me? Will they accept me for the exchange programme?
etc etc...
OK this is my pessimistic side. I wanna do it. I can do it. I deserve to live an experience like that. I'm good in what I'm doing right now. Hope the second semester will turn as great as the first concerning the results.
I really need a good kick in the ass to move on.
I have so many ups and so many downs. I'm like Robinson Crusoe lol. Except that I don't need to thank God all day lol.
Well my unachieved dream is one thing among other things that makes my life sucks right now and I hope my bright side will come back soon. That would be useful since I have a headache...:(
Ok to end on a positive note let's say that I'm "single and fabulous! exclamation point!" (refering to Sex and the city of course lol). :))))
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Well of course, I've posted an entire reply to this post on my own blog, so you can't expect me to write here again, can you?
But I'll just sing this -"We live in a beautiful world, yeah we do, yeah we do..." Those are the chorus lines of the opening song to Coldplay's first album, Parachutes, called "Don't Panic". I find it quite appropriate in this case, because there will always be some stupid song who'll cheer you up no matter what, and this one's mine ^^
Anyways, will stop babbling about how Coldplay saves my life, because it sounds a bit creepy and desperate.
Moving on to the next post...
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